I’m never too pretty, never too smart
I use my head if I can’t hear my heart
I’ve never regretted, and never looked back
I’m happy where I am, I don’t need to pack.
I use what’s not funny to battle the clowns
They share their own stories, with only a frown
Real painted smiles are best when I’m down
The tears they come easily, disguised as a yawn.
And if I feel awkward and queer to be me
‘Eccentric’, ‘peculiar’, and ‘quirky’
Just glad to be free.
First of all, I’d like you to know that everything in your life is going as planned. You’ve made some silly decisions, but you were never wrong. Everything ‘wrong’ you’ve done in your life has led you to here, to now. It’s brought you to where you are right at this moment.
Everywhere you went, you’ve seen something new. Everything you did, you experienced something new. There will be more to come, and you don’t have to worry about running out of things to do. Life is like that, nothing is ever the same. Always remember to accept change as it comes. You may not like it very much, but change keeps it interesting, and keeps you interested.
Third, happy birthday. You are an adult now. You are now able to get married, watch porn, gamble in a casino, and go to jail. That doesn’t sound too appealing, but no matter. Being twenty one will be no more different than being eighteen. Granted, time is supposed to fly by more quickly, but Einstein’s theory of relativity mentioned no such thing, so pay no heed to that. Instead, focus on the more important things in life. Age is subjective, and unimportant.
Be like a child, they have the best of everything. Remember how it is like to believe in the impossible, remember to question the world, and don’t forget to be silly once in awhile.
Sometimes when it gets really quiet inside my head, I can hear my own thoughts. It is when the words tranquil and serene are not too embarrassing to use to describe my state of mind. I feel the world around me continue its living and suddenly I am the only one that is constant. In a different timezone. A separate dimension, on the same planet.
I wonder if I am real, or if the people around me are. They are usually the ones who are suspect. They are actors put down on earth for me – and life is just an elaborate act. A Truman show.
Odd thoughts creep into my mind, everyone else are puppets and I am the only absolute. Nothing else matters but me. I feel threatened by their presence, by their talking, by their breathing.
I think about screaming, slapping, killing. Just to see their reactions. Just to see if I’m as real as them, as fake as they are.
And then I stop thinking. And just continue living.
I promise I’m not deranged.
Are you?