“Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.”
March 2nd – My mother has cancer. Stage 3/4 colorectal. Doctor said it looks ‘messy’.
March 3rd – Barely woke up for school. Went to student services and asked about deferring my studies. Spoke to Cheryl about it. Consulted Eugenie.
March 4th – Booked my flight to Singapore. Confusion when my entire family opposed to me coming back.
March 5th – Flight postponed. So lonely, and terrified.
There are some things that can change your life forever. Some news, that once heard, cannot be unheard. It fills you up completely, and it becomes all you think about; nothing else comes through. The worst part? It feels unreal. But that doesn’t make it untrue. It sounds like another story about another person; a common and ordinary circumstance, foreign in your world. Until it isn’t.
It hits you like a silent bullet. A speeding train in the distance but you don’t hear it. You start to think of all the possibilities, all the impossibilities, of everything that will never be the same again; because of that one piece of information.
Waves of sadness, anger, confusion, and a dull sense of dread. It’s hard to breathe. You feel silly and dramatic, so you hide it. You suppress your emotion with new facts and information, you want to be prepared. You are strong and focused, you are okay.
But night falls and you sink. And you don’t even feel it until you are on the ground, broken.