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November 2017

Daily

Not okay today

Feeling a little lonely, a little blue. I wish I had the power to will myself up off the floor. Get my spine upright and tall. Something happened this week that felt like an obstacle was placed in the straight path I’ve been walking.

I decided to be a little selfish, which only made me feel shitty. Being self-sacrificing would have felt a lot worse, but it would’ve been the good thing to do. Is this why my mother’s such a lamb?

Then it happened again. I feel stuck in a loop and there’s no one I trust to give me that booster shot I need. Shoot me up with dopamine, take the brakes off this steep climb.

And I’m reminded of a time when I was in Polytechnic. Where a girl I called friend said pretty things to my face, and spoke ugly things behind.

I realise that I don’t trust the things people say.