All Posts By

Vera

Daily

There goes 2023

2023 was a good year, where I made sure to do the things that I wanted to do and to spend less time and effort on the things that I did not want to.

I spent a lot less time in the office, and took up teaching one regular group class and covered some reformer group classes. I really enjoy these because they keep me feeling involved on a bigger scale. You really get a sense of your teaching ability because the students do give you feedback and you do see the popularity of your classes too.

C and I also started Classpass in 2023 which allowed us to experience some other group classes and I did learn from those classes – the things I enjoyed and the things I did not enjoy in those classes helped me decide the type of teacher I wanted to be.

Feeling optimistic about 2024, but aren’t we all optimistic about the beginnings of things?

Daily

Who is that girl I see?

I am larger and better than I thought. I did not think I held so much goodness. – Walt Whitman

I’ve been teaching Pilates for 7 years now. I no longer feel like a newbie. I am more confident in my teaching than I was just 2 years ago.

At the time, I felt like I had an inflated number of years because I was posted to a quieter studio, and then it felt more inflated because Covid happened and the classes I taught declined for a while.

But as one of my mentors once said.. “If you want to teach for a long time, don’t stop teaching.” 100%. Thanks Jerry.

I have helped so many people learn and understand their own bodies and gain awareness, competence and improve their performance in movement.

This year, I also let go of a student that I felt was not someone who I could help. I learnt to create some boundaries to protect my own time and self worth.

“Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes.” – English Historian James A. Grouse

And though I cringe at some of the things I may have done in the past with my limited knowledge…It is because of the sheer number of people I have seen move, given cues to, touched (to correct or to feel muscular engagement), and created movement programmes for that I am now more confident as a movement teacher.

Different bodies require different cues and this year, one incident clearly reflected this. I have always cued for students to press their toes down in the “shortfoot” exercise.

But I found out that one student had been pressing his toes down so much without lifting his arch that the cue gave him the opposite effect. He responded better to “lifting the arch”.

I was stunned. Getting that arch lift was something I had assumed he was just having trouble doing – my usual cue was to “press toes and lift arch” so I didn’t expect my choice of cues to be the problem here.

So I kept learning, and I will continue to keep learning. Better ways to teach movement, to motivate and to create enduring change.

In the coming years, I will work on improving my knowledge in anatomy and biomechanics, improving my verbal, visual and tactile cues to better understand the body in front of me.

Perhaps even find a specialization, if that is something I can figure out?

Daily

I am the sum of all my decisions.

Found out about personal agency yesterday and this (the lack of it) feels like the answer for why I feel so unmotivated and lazy sometimes. I’ve been searching for the reason why I’m so lazy and trying to find answers and solutions to it but articles always seem to assume that it means I’m stressed out or burnt out or overwhelmed.

I simply am not.

I am the definition of privilege. I can cruise by life without much effort. I attract opportunities and wealth (thanks to the laws of attraction), and even though I’m not part of the super rich or the super elite, I’ve always been able to get more than I needed, and more.

I know it’s such an ugly thing to say and this isn’t the type of thing I would want out there in the world for people to think that I’m an arrogant person. But typing it out here and thinking about this makes me feel like I can start fixing this. And I do want to fix it so much.

Some people get their personal agency from posting about what they’re doing everyday and getting validation from others, but that’s not me. Or maybe it’s just not good enough for me. And I don’t yet know what button I can push to activate this in myself.

It’s funny because I was listening to a podcast that mentioned how social media and our devices are creating that overload and overstimulation, how “we are like trained monkeys, tethered to devices that prompt us at all hours of the day” and where we put our attention is the most important decision that we make. That makes us less in control of our lives and our levels of agency declines.

Also a lot of the times when we want to reach out for our devices, we are just looking for a moment to recharge. And reaching for the device doesn’t actually recharge us. Even multi-tasking takes that control away from us.

This was hilarious to me because I was listening to the beginning of the podcast while I was ironing my clothes. And then I took a break and began eating and listening to the podcast. And then unknowingly I was scrolling through Facebook and eating and listening to the podcast. In fact, I had unconsciously opened Facebook and then consciously closed it about 3 times during the entire time. My mind was blown.

Daily

Hi bro


I arranged for an interview with a candidate looking for a job. He cancelled on me last week citing an illness so I arranged for another date. He flaked on me again today because he couldn’t find transport to get here and I cancelled the interview.

I don’t know how small businesses are supposed to survive when the talent pool we can afford are only out looking for gains for themselves without adding value.

Are you looking for a job or am I digging through trash searching for treasure?

For small businesses, the search for those who will stand with us, shoulder to shoulder, in the quest for progress remains an elusive journey.

Daily

Possibilities

Sometimes when I feel like it, I go onto Linkedin and look at the things I could potentially be doing with my life, the roles and responsibilities I could probably take on and the ones I would not. I imagine kao-pehing at some of the unreasonable workload and being thrilled by exciting projects and inspiring mentors and creative minds.

But most of the time they become unappealing and I close the windows, resuming my regular routine.

Daily

My insides are curling

Waking up this morning, I remember the reasons why I don’t sleep that late anymore. Ugh.

This cab driver’s jerky and bumpy car is making me want to hurl. I truly can’t understand why Singapore’s taxi drivers can’t drive smoothly.

Or are the cars too sensitive and too lightweight?

Daily

Live lives

Today I’m getting into bed at 1.40am. This must be the latest I’ve gotten in bed in a while. The night calls out to me again. Just as it did when I was younger. I remember physically bringing my body to bed was the most difficult thing to do – the night time is too beautiful.

When everything is quiet and time isn’t assigned a task. I don’t have to feel guilty about not doing something useful or productive, I don’t have to live like my ideal self.

Came back from the studio late because I worked out a little and then ate out.

I decided to sign up for dance classes online because I wanted an activity that would be a workout but also be fun. Plus I can do it whenever.

Too lazy to go dance at an actual club, and I can’t carve out time to go to a physical studio but who says I can’t move at home?

It’s day one so it’s too soon to tell if I’m going to follow through. If you knew the amount of hobbies/crafts I’m also in the midst of 😂

I love it. I love the potential. The myriad lives I am living.

Daily

RIP Dooce

The split second of recognition when I saw her photograph on my newsfeed and then shock as I read the headline that she was dead at 47 felt like how I found out Steve Jobs died. None of these people personally mattered to me, but dooce.com marked an era before influencers and social media.

When people wrote thoughts and feelings and events instead of showing photos and videos. Blogs were so much more – from their words you get a sneak peek of their most personal thoughts, their character, wit and personality.

You weren’t given a photograph to look at and be envious of – oh that looks like a perfect life and a lovely party. Yawn/fawn.

You were an insider. You knew how she felt about the people around her, what she loved and hated and what’s what. You knew what made her fall over laughing and what pissed her off. What she fell in love with – and you’d fall in love with it too because that’s the way she wrote.

Life is messy. And she showed it as it was most times without looking like she was selling or preaching anything but her thoughts.

And that’s what I think I miss from the ol’ Internet.

Reading some of her posts now and my heart breaks for her children.

Daily

Real

I wish I could believe the image and brand that you’re building. Is this you? Why are you trying so hard? Just be here. Just be real.

Daily

Guilty art

Covid brought with it everyone’s sense of what a gentle, slow life could be like. It’s a tempting offer – the sheer amount of makers, crafters and artists popping up everywhere in a variety of markets around the island could attest to that.

One day I will do it guiltlessly.