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Born to move

We learnt to flip from our backs to our stomachs and back again.
To crawl. Then, to walk.
To fall and to get back up.
To run and hop and skip and jump.
And then it never crossed our minds again.
Movement became a part of life.
We did it without thinking.

And somewhere in school we became more advanced;
we took sports and competed
or we danced and performed.
There were springs beneath our feet,
our bodies light, our eyes bright.

Our brains calculated, analyzed,
remembered and memorized.
But somewhere in between,
our bodies forgot.

Like the batteries of the toys we no longer touched,
the springs in our feet became stiff,
the muscles in our back became rounded and hunched.
To get ahead in life?
Is that why our heads are now in front of our bodies?

I’ve only started teaching Pilates for two years now,
But I’ve seen so many different bodies come through
Some flexible, some tight, some strong, some weak.
Some big, some small, some old, some young.

All of the bodies I’ve seen tell me the same thing:
When we were young, we learnt how to move.
We fidgeted and ran and jumped and pranced.
Who was it that told us to stop?


This millennial turns 30

This gingerbread cake with brown butter frosting and caramelized apples from @rabbitandthecake tastes like Christmas

I turn 30 today. But this milestone is a lot less significant to me when I also just became a homeowner not two days ago – and I will also probably be married by the end of the year as a result of this new set of keys. Thanks for making this choice for me, Singapore.

I will, however, choose to refrain from procreating just yet. I’m sure environmentalists and polar bears will thank me one day.

So you can see how walking into this new decade is a big fat load of easy and no big deal. What seems like a bigger deal right now is if I should go with Vinyl or Tiles? Quartz, Granite or KompacPlus? This contractor, that interior designer or that other one?



Are there majority groups without majority privilege?

I’m Chinese Singaporean and we make up the majority race. I’m definitely guilty of having Chinese privilege compared to the minority groups here. But I feel like this has been blown out of proportion by leftists in the West – and minority groups here seem to compare themselves with the African American minority groups but they’ve definitely not experienced the kind of racism (and slavery) that the African American minority groups have.

I just want to know if there’s any instance where a society can have a majority race that doesn’t act with majority privilege because the conversations that are happening here are suddenly overly sensitive and everything the majority group does is suddenly seen as “racial micro aggressions towards a culture that is constantly being marginalised as a minority”.

It’s getting tiring.


This hell

“People you may know”, ha! The irony is not lost on me. Were you keeping this account to connect with scantily clad friends, or is this an old account you’ve forgotten the password to? I sleuthed around, and well, I think we know you didn’t forget. I don’t know why I bothered checking. These were things I already knew.

I’d already seen the messages. Your phone was pretty clear. ‘Mahal’ might mean expensive, but in this context it did not. I’d already seen the photos. Your camera was pretty clear. By no means an artistic shot, but the scene as clear as crack. I’d already heard you say it. Our lunch was pretty clear. With arguments as incredulous as Trump’s, I’d already seen your view.

I’d already talked about it, cried about it, wrote about it and moved on from it. So why am I back down here?

Your old flame added me on Facebook recently, which caught me off guard, but also made me curious. Did she want money? Why else would she reconnect, and why now? Did she add you too?

I looked for her on Facebook once, after I saw that incriminating photo of your new conquest. I’d wanted so much to connect with her kids, to ask them if they knew what I knew, to break them and make them hurt. Perhaps I’d get some sweet revenge. But some part of me empathised with her, because I blame you more than I’d ever care about her, and I was never so gutsy. Did she see me as a recommended person she might know because I searched first?

If I’m not going to tell you, I may as well tell everyone. But this crawl space is frustrating and I don’t understand why you’ve put me here. This hell should be yours, it’s not my guilt to bear.



I don’t know if there’s a word for how I feel. Love seems much too mild. This feeling is too strong, wild, potent and forceful. Too metal. I imagine this is how serial killers feel when they’re locked in on a target, how a heart attack feels when it yanks your breath away, how Christians feel when they’re feeling God-like power touch them.

This is the feeling I get sometimes when I’m just this fiercely obsessed about something. Almost…angry? I don’t know why. It’s the aggressive urge you get when you see an obscenely cute puppy and you just want to squeeze it to death.

This is how I’m currently feeling about Extreme’s music. The genius lyrics, melody, harmony, vocals and awesome musicality. From an era where musicians wrote magic because there were just no rules about what makes a hit song.

Obsessed with the entire Pornograffiti album. Start with these: Hole Hearted. Decadence Dance. Get the Funk Out. Play with Me. I’d list the entire album if you’d let me, but only because I wish you knew there’s so much more to Extreme than More than Words, even if it is a great song (made more amazing by Nuno’s harmony and Paul Gilbert in this video).


Now we know

The past month has been a crazy ride on this adulting train, and we’re not even reaching our station yet. Some of our friends already know this, but Clif and I are house hunting.

I’m met with good wishes when people find out – omg you guys are getting married?! – approval, congratulations and general positivity. It is a sentiment I then dampen by telling them not to congratulate me – it is not an achievement I feel I’ve earned and so doesn’t count. All I did was to agree to be married. It’s not something we had to work very hard for.

In fact, I didn’t feel a need to tell anyone, and I think everyone was confused by this. Posting a picture of my wrinkly dry hand on social media would have been easy..but I didn’t feel right doing it (which may have caused more problems on my end because I had to explain exactly this).

Congratulate me if and when we manage to be happily married for 10 years. I would probably have earned it then. Or maybe if we manage to organize a wedding/party because that would be an incredible feat considering our lack of event organization skills and general laziness.

So the only people we really officially told were our immediate families. Our friends found out when we were trying to get advice on buying property together. Yes! It is a thing, we are trying to crawl ahead in the next phase of adulthood. Now you know. (Maybe, or maybe you’re reading this in the future in which case, you’re late in knowing and it’s not your fault because I didn’t tell you.)

And I wish I’d known that it’d be this difficult (and expensive) to get a house we like. Maybe we’d have started listening about talks about Bidadari. It was a word thrown around a few years ago and I’d completely ignored it. Coming back to mock me every time I think about BTOs and when I see that my only options are Punggol, Sengkang, Yishun and Tengah. Where? No. Waiting 5 more years for a new flat to be built would mean that I’d be 35 when I move out. When? No.

So we’re making appointments. Researching questions to ask and things to look out for. Calculating budgets. Getting payslips. Submitting loan applications. Practicing my poker face and nonchalance (though I’m told I’m good at this). Viewing houses. Listening and getting advice from family and friends. Ignoring bits of advice from the family.

Wow they should’ve prepared us for this in school.

Finding out how much renovations cost. Finding out renovations don’t include furniture. Learning that people can expect housing prices to increase but it doesn’t mean that it’d be possible to sell for that amount. Learning that road noise in Singapore is a pain. Wondering if I would be able to be happy in a world where I could never open my windows ever or be subject to dust and fumes. Learning that if we’re serious we need to bring a chequebook along to make an offer.

Making plans. Downloading an amazing budget app to manage my finances better now. Finally setting up GIRO for my credit cards and handphone bills.

Popping by the unit we’re interested in unannounced to look at it at night and to meet the owner. Trying to learn negotiation tactics to make an offer below its listed price. Trying to sound less apologetic and like I know what I’m saying. Trying to not feel annoyed when I can’t get what I want. Asking for help for all of this.

They should’ve prepared us for this in school.

Things that make you an adult. Things all adults should know how to do. Things people don’t tell you about adulthood. There are tons of articles about this #adulting thing. Is it obvious that nobody has a clue?

We’re going to handle it. And this quote I stumbled upon just today makes me feel like it’s gonna be okay.

Your success in life is largely dependent on the number of awkward conversations you’re willing to have. – Tim Ferris

Now I know.

Daily, Writing

Witta, Queensland

I thought I’d show you this, what life looks like with peace. Where the buzzing of the roads become rustling of the trees, I hope you fall in love with life outside the streets. Then maybe when we’re old, we’ll watch the free skies be. And maybe when we’re old, we’ll live our lives like this. When days and weeks and months, turn into years and years of bliss.


Plant Parenthood

The not-having-kids thing. The i-want-to-move-out thing. Maybe it’s just something about the circle of life that creates a desire to be surrounded by living things. Millennial things.

I’ve always wanted to get some cacti and succulents in my visits to Bangkok but I’ve always been to afraid to even think about transporting them back to Singapore by plane. Turned out to be a lot easier than I thought, because all I needed to do was to open my mouth and ask the vendor at Chatuchak, who promptly said that he could pack it for me. Easy.

I also bought a ton of beautiful fake orchids, which are now laid out around the house. Am I becoming a plant lady? Okay then.


Mr Big

Three years ago I went to Japan to watch Mr Big live in concert with Clif, major Mr Big and Paul Gilbert fanboy.

I knew 3 songs at that concert.

The first non-Wild World/To Be With You/Just Take My Heart song I really enjoyed was Green Tinted Sixties Mind, which I heard over the speakers as “365”. We were in the corner seats near the stage and the speakers were muffled. Very confusing.

Me (after concert): I like that song! 365.
Clif: What?
Me: 365! It goes like *hums tune* THREE HUNDRED SIXTY FIVEEEEEE.
Clif: There’s no song like that.

Also got hooked onto Queen, and Extreme. Now feeling sad I missed a whole era of music and concerts.

But I’ve since been to two other Mr Big shows, added a lot more songs to playlist and learnt more about their career by reading old interviews.

So it was sad to learn that Pat Torpey died today.

And it was sad to think of how underrated they are. So here’s a nice, pretty radio friendly song about the peak of their career. Enjoy.

RIP Pat.



The last lap of the Comprehensive Pilates Teacher Training is here. My performance and teaching evaluation is just one. sleep. away.

Can I just say that I’m terrified?! Even though I’ve been practicing almost every other day… there are just so many things that I’m not 100% about. Body placement, springs and equipment set up, intention of the piece, breath and movement sequence…Somehow I don’t think my practice will ever be enough. There’s so much to learn and my body and movements are still lacking.

The moving parts of the human body is complex; even more so when every single person is different. The teaching styles and cues that each person responds to, the muscular differences and imbalances, lengths of bodies and movement habits.

Perhaps the knowledge that I’ll never be ready is why I’m ready for tomorrow.

GetPocket aptly recommends me this article that says that you have different selves with different goals in your head, all trying to do what they think is best for the greater “you.” This makes sense. Right now a part of me is saying to watch an episode of Friends to unwind, another part of me wants to read through the Training manuals, and another’s saying to just go to bed and rest.

Now that I’ve spent some time writing this post, it’s midnight and I have no choice but to bring my manuals to bed and glance at them in a feeble attempt to calm myself.

Here’s me sending tomorrow-me a reminder to be open, brave and confident to perform and to teach to my best ability and to remember that conquering the evaluation is to receive feedback with open arms. Remember that time when you needed liquid courage? You’ll be okay. This is a good time to read these articles.

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings